Since I was a young girl I loved being on stage and being the director of plays with my friends. I loved the freedom that dressing up and playing different characters provided for me. My inner explorer and alchemist was definitely alive and kicking from a young age!
It was an opportunity to step into someone else’s world, take on their persona and tell stories of their life experience. Looking back, I can see why I’ve been drawn to working with my clients in the way that I do, because I love understanding their inner world to help them create a new positive story to live by.
THE CONFIDENT PUNK
As a teenager, I was totally consumed and intrigued by the world of punk. Yes! You wouldn’t know it, but I was the only punk at my Catholic Girls school.
I loved my tall vertical green Mohawk, fishnet stocking and tartan skirts. Even more than that, I loved learning about the punk rock scene in London and would daydream about it constantly. I'd read anything about the culture that I could get my hands on.
The only thing was, I had no one else to share this experience with. No one else loved Punk as much as I did, so I would spend a lot of time on my own or with friends outside of school ~ but even then, those punks weren’t really my people either.
I will never forget the day when our school had a special annual meeting, where parents were invited. I was running late (probably because I was fixing my beloved green Mohawk in the bathroom). Looking at the time I started running down the hall, swung open the door and a sea of heads turned my way… including the nun’s in the front row.
The hall was quiet.
For a moment I thought ‘whoops!’, but I didn’t really care too much. Especially when I saw the familiar smile of one of my favourite Nun’s who gestured to me to come sit down.
GIRL MISUNDERSTOOD
Everyone kept telling me how much I’d love university, how I would find my tribe and life would become happier for me. I’d be in my element of being able to immerse myself with other like minded people, as well as Ancient Greek History, Latin and English Literature ~ which I had come to love and adore.
But they were wrong…
As much as I tried, I couldn’t connect with the other students in my year. They seemed so consumed with cars, partying and drinking. I was so lonely, and I felt myself once more, standing by myself in my experience of life.
My continued experience of isolation and inability to connect triggered panic attacks. At first they were manageable, but quickly they escalated. The panic attacks would come out of the blue, and I was so embarrassed when they happened - especially in public. I started to skip classes and then ended up dropping out of university entirely…
... and eventually not even being able to leave my home.
Depression…
Life contracted…
Smaller and smaller…
Persistent nightmares…
Compulsive hand washing…
Totally convinced I would have a heart attack…
No trips to the shops…
No going outside…
A life inside my home…
“If I stay very still, I might be ok…” I would tell myself.
10 YEARS ON
~ I SEE THE LIGHT ~
I was now in my 30's. It's hard to believe when I think about it now - how one can become so trapped in their own story.
When I was 33, I woke up one morning and I knew things had to change. My life was disappearing before my eyes, and I knew this was not how it was meant to be. I was not put on this planet to live my life indoors, too scared to go outside.
I thought about how I used to perform on stage, how I used to dress how I felt to express myself, and how I loved to people watch and learn about what the world had to offer.
In my despair I asked the universe to help me.
... Sure enough signs, synchronicities & healing tools started to cross my path.
First Buddhist Meditation appeared. I found some tapes, and would listen to the teachings everyday. After doing this for 6 months I could feel my mind slowing down and for the first time in a long time, I experienced a sense of peace.
Second the book ‘Homecoming’ by John Bradshaw dropped into my hands. Two weeks later I read in the local paper that an 8 Week Inner Child Workshop based on his teachings was being at a Healing Centre on my street… any further away and there is no way I would have gone.
...divine synchronicity.
Confidence…
More time outside…
Expansion and colour…
Waking refreshed…
Distracted by happiness…
A skip starting appearing in my step…
Trips outside with ease…
Eating again when I was alone…
Ordering my favourite hot chocolate…
“I am safe and always looked after...” I would tell myself.
FREEDOM
12 months later, my first HUGE breakthrough came. I booked a ticket to England! Flying half way across the world was a true monumental achievement for me considering for 10 years I couldn't leave my house.
Since then I've seen the world as my oyster and I’ve never looked back.
My path then took me to Faster EFT Tapping, and this is the modality that supports me with my confidence even today. Never have I experience such a powerful tool to help shift my story.
I know that my experience with Agrophobia is more than just a personal one. This experience has fuelled my purpose in life to assist others to create a new story for themselves. Whether it be to build a new sense of confidence, be the leader they dream of, to speak in front of huge audiences or create an income from their business that supports them to give back to others.
You are an amazing person.
You are here to weave your magic in the world, and I'd love to help you along your journey to understand and acknowledge your brilliance.